Back to Basics

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

Woah! Now that’s deep. This is one of those quotes that really rocks me to the core; so simple in its language -- so complex in its truth.

When I was studying to become a teacher I had to attend these ‘observation days’ at a local high school. For five random days throughout the year I sat in on a teacher’s classes and just…observed. I wasn’t a participant. I wasn’t a teacher. I was simply there. 

Although these days occurred near the beginning of my teacher education, I still thought I had this whole game figured out. I mean really….how hard could this be?? I went to high school. I was a good student. This was easy. And for the first class I observed on Day 1…that was my attitude. 

It was an AP (Advanced Placement) English course for students who excelled in the subject, I felt very comfortable and at ease. “This is great!” I thought. “I would have loved this course in high school!” (and I would have aced it too – I thought.) Just as I was getting into the swing of things, the bell rang. 

Next up at bat...a ‘basic’ English course. This one was as opposite as could be from the AP course. A class designed for those students that struggled with ‘basic’ concepts and had difficulties both attending and comprehending classes. “No problem,” I thought. “If I can do AP, I can totally do this!”

Not. So. Much.

Holy Smokes this class opened my eyes! The level of these students was so far below anything that I had ever experienced that I had no idea of what to do (or think)! And even though I wasn’t required to do anything but observe...I felt panicked! What would I do if I was asked to teach a ‘basic’ course?! I don’t know how to do this!! My expectations are waaaaayyyyy out to lunch and I don’t even know how to begin to reel them in!!

You see…in high school….I was the bright kid. The teacher’s pet. The keener. The valedictorian (from grade 7 to 12). The beeker (school specific ‘loser’ term for smart kid – I don’t get it either – still.) I had no idea how anyone else experienced high school. I just know how I did. That it was a pretty good time. It was easy. I was successful. I did good. And that’s why I decided to become a teacher – high school was (overall) a pleasant experience for me.

It was only when I was sitting in that ‘basic’ English class that I realized there were other ways to experience high school. Or life. Only then did it hit me that I saw and experienced life not as it is…but as I am. And so did others.

What a moment! I’ll never forget it. 

Those ‘basic’ kids taught me more than years worth of ‘AP’ learning ever could.

All you need is love...

“Personally, I like sex and I don’t care what a man thinks of me as long as I get what I want from him – which is usually sex.” – Valerie Perrine

This one reminds me of that ‘Sex and the City’ episode where Carrie starts having ‘sex like a man’. Remember that one?? She decided to try an experiment where she stayed emotionally unconnected with the man she was sleeping with.

Oh and she also made sure to...

1. never feel guilty for receiving special treatment in the bedroom

2. never feel obligated to return the favour and

3. never stay long enough to cuddle or spend the night.

The thrill of being greedy in the bedroom and dictating the specific…ahem…activities….sent her over the moon. Remember how confident and satisfied she felt after beating men at their own game. She was strutting her stuff all over NYC.

And then remember how crappy she felt shortly after??

Point proven.

No matter how much we (or they) say that we are here to play….eventually…we all want a little more than just a romp in the bushes! It may be fun for awhile but sooner or later….you’ll be wishing for comfy couch cuddles too. And you don’t have to take my word for it…Ms. Bradshaw has it all on tape!

What's love got to do with it?!

"She's the queen of soul, and I'm the queen of rock 'n' roll...Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one. That's how queens are!" -- Tina Turner, on Aretha Franklin

sigh...Tina Turner. What a LEGEND! Let's pause for a moment and forget about the actual quote....all we need is Tina...

Even now her songs ignite something fierce inside me! {...I'm your private dancer.....a dancer for money....do what you want me to do....} And that's just what she was....FIERCE! 

When I was in elementary school I had this shag sort of hair cut. With all the volume and layering it created I had some BIG hair! So big that it grabbed the attention of some of the boys on my bus stop. (And no...not that kind of attention) Anyway....these boys insisted on calling me Tina Turner. They would tease me incessantly, making comparisons between my hair and hers, laughing, pointing and making fun. 

The weird thing was.....I had no idea what was happening. I didn't get it. Why? Because I thought Tina was FABULOUS! It was clear to me that these boys were trying to be mean by their facial expressions, actions and the way they were teasing me but for the life of me I didn't get the connection. I mean, how could looking like Tina be an insult?!?! (I would die for those legs now!) 

hahahhahaha! Even today that memory makes me smile....and yes....Tina still does too!

{...whatever the reason you do it for me.....}

Does this blog make me look fat???

"Some young Hollywood starlets remind me of my grandmother's old farmhouse -- all painted up nice on the front side, a big swing on the backside, and nothing whatsoever in the attic." -- Bette Davis

While it's true that some people take 'painting up the outside' a little too far....I also think that those with a too cluttered attic have also missed the point. It's all about balance.

Let's face it....there is something to be said about taking care of yourself and your appearance. I think it is something we should all take pride in. (I mean really....doesn't everyone just look a little bit better in a suit and tie or little black dress?! {and new pair of shoes!!}) But taking care of yourself also means nurturing your inner self as well. Mind. Intellect. Spirit. Emotions.

Most jobs these days require you to hone your skills in your chosen field. Called 'professional development' or 'improvement' their goal is to get you upgrading and relearning important skills so that you stay relevant and up to date with respect to the latest rules, information and/or techniques. This idea makes sense when we think about our work lives but we often fail to consider these 'upgrades' when it comes to our personal lives. 

And it doesn't have to be something extreme...it can be as simple as catching up on that ever expanding reading wish list or taking a course in an area of interest. Or even sharing your thoughts on random issues on an open blog. : )

The point is, life can get crazy sometimes and one thing is for sure...it is always changing! If we want to 'make it' we need to change with it.

So whatever it is for you....embrace it. You'll find it becomes easier to pretty up the outside if you're confident it represents your shining interior!

Karma

"Be friendly to everybody; protect yourself; people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason; and always do things out of love, not fear." -- Rashida Jones

What great words to live by!! I wish it were as easy as it sounds. I find it incredibly difficult to control my emotions most days. 

Maybe it's the Scorpio inside me.

(Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment.)

When I feel emotion I feel it hard. I'm either giddy with laughter, enraged with angry, sobbing with sorrow...there just doesn't seem to be any in-between. And there just doesn't seem to be any way to hide it! To say that I 'wear my heart on my sleeve' is the understatement of the year. I can snap out at people one minute and silently brood the next. But it seems like there is always a storm brewing!

It's always interesting to me to look at my view of the world. I've come to realize that I am a very trusting and even gullible person. I do my job well; am honest; work hard; live up to my commitments. And I naturally assume that others are as well. Unfortunately that's not always the case...and when I come face to face with those situations....I can't understand it! I get so angry.

But like Gloria says..."people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason"...and sometimes you just gotta let that pass you by without trying to understand it. Karma is the key here (and who knows...if you're lucky enough...God may just let you watch! ) ; )

The Sequel

"We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs." -- Gloria Steinem

oh boy! If this is true then I value a well fed and well dressed household! Much of my monies do seem to get spent on...well...appearances. And that doesn't just apply to myself. I like to spend money 'dressing' up my home as well. 

And I don't necessarily think that it's a bad thing. I truly think that taking pride in our appearances is a valuable and honorable thing to do. But there is a fine line between 'dressing' up a house and 'dressing' up a life. It is very easy to get carried away these days with the idea of keeping up with the Jones'. And who can blame us?! We are constantly bombarded with images of success in media that exude designer labels and multiple vehicles and even higher end gourmet foodstuffs. Who wouldn't want to live like this?!

This post seems to piggyback off of my last.....wants vs. needs. How hard is it to separate the two!?

My childhood was pretty typical. I had young parents who struggled to make ends meet. But they made due. They had their lucky breaks and tough calls but I don't remember ever being in need of anything. Honestly, I don't remember really be in want either. I think my parents did a pretty good job of teaching me the difference between the two and because I had that knowledge (and an incredible imagination) I got along just fine! 

Nowadays I have been noticing a slight shift. My parents are better off (due to years of hard work and perseverance) and have been able to indulge in life and 'things' a little more. I too have been successful enough to allow myself a few more of the comforts of life than most. Being a teacher in this country doesn't always allow for that and I am forever grateful. However, it hasn't been without its sacrifices and because of that perhaps my creature comforts have become a little more....wanty rather than needy...

But hey....all's well that ends well! Let's hope my consumerism never out grows the lessons my parents first taught me about loving and living and wants vs. needs.

Wants vs. Needs

"I've learned that getting what you want gives you a pretty high batting average, and leaves you plenty to struggle for." -- Loretta Young

Ain't that the truth! What's that saying....'be careful what you wish for'?! 

As ironic as it sounds, I have never been so unhappy as the times that I have gotten exactly what I wanted. Without having to work to achieve those 'things' getting them is never quite as fulfilling as you thought it would be. Looks like my parents were onto something there!

All it does is allow others to interpret your life as 'perfect' when in actuality you yourself feel pretty 'empty'.  I guess it really teaches you a lesson about coveting your neighbour. You truely never know what someone else's life is really like. I find that this is the lesson that I am learning over and over and over and .....  

For some reason it so so easy to slide into the view that the grass is greener in someone else's world. Yet, inevitably, whenever I start to feel sorry for my situation, that 'greater power' always seems to give me that sneak peek into the reality of that life and suddenly my thought process switches. 

I begin to realize that I've got it pretty good. A warm house. A loving family. A good job. 

Maybe it's better to share my joy then be jealous of something without even knowing its true cost.