Back to Basics

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

Woah! Now that’s deep. This is one of those quotes that really rocks me to the core; so simple in its language -- so complex in its truth.

When I was studying to become a teacher I had to attend these ‘observation days’ at a local high school. For five random days throughout the year I sat in on a teacher’s classes and just…observed. I wasn’t a participant. I wasn’t a teacher. I was simply there. 

Although these days occurred near the beginning of my teacher education, I still thought I had this whole game figured out. I mean really….how hard could this be?? I went to high school. I was a good student. This was easy. And for the first class I observed on Day 1…that was my attitude. 

It was an AP (Advanced Placement) English course for students who excelled in the subject, I felt very comfortable and at ease. “This is great!” I thought. “I would have loved this course in high school!” (and I would have aced it too – I thought.) Just as I was getting into the swing of things, the bell rang. 

Next up at bat...a ‘basic’ English course. This one was as opposite as could be from the AP course. A class designed for those students that struggled with ‘basic’ concepts and had difficulties both attending and comprehending classes. “No problem,” I thought. “If I can do AP, I can totally do this!”

Not. So. Much.

Holy Smokes this class opened my eyes! The level of these students was so far below anything that I had ever experienced that I had no idea of what to do (or think)! And even though I wasn’t required to do anything but observe...I felt panicked! What would I do if I was asked to teach a ‘basic’ course?! I don’t know how to do this!! My expectations are waaaaayyyyy out to lunch and I don’t even know how to begin to reel them in!!

You see…in high school….I was the bright kid. The teacher’s pet. The keener. The valedictorian (from grade 7 to 12). The beeker (school specific ‘loser’ term for smart kid – I don’t get it either – still.) I had no idea how anyone else experienced high school. I just know how I did. That it was a pretty good time. It was easy. I was successful. I did good. And that’s why I decided to become a teacher – high school was (overall) a pleasant experience for me.

It was only when I was sitting in that ‘basic’ English class that I realized there were other ways to experience high school. Or life. Only then did it hit me that I saw and experienced life not as it is…but as I am. And so did others.

What a moment! I’ll never forget it. 

Those ‘basic’ kids taught me more than years worth of ‘AP’ learning ever could.

All you need is love...

“Personally, I like sex and I don’t care what a man thinks of me as long as I get what I want from him – which is usually sex.” – Valerie Perrine

This one reminds me of that ‘Sex and the City’ episode where Carrie starts having ‘sex like a man’. Remember that one?? She decided to try an experiment where she stayed emotionally unconnected with the man she was sleeping with.

Oh and she also made sure to...

1. never feel guilty for receiving special treatment in the bedroom

2. never feel obligated to return the favour and

3. never stay long enough to cuddle or spend the night.

The thrill of being greedy in the bedroom and dictating the specific…ahem…activities….sent her over the moon. Remember how confident and satisfied she felt after beating men at their own game. She was strutting her stuff all over NYC.

And then remember how crappy she felt shortly after??

Point proven.

No matter how much we (or they) say that we are here to play….eventually…we all want a little more than just a romp in the bushes! It may be fun for awhile but sooner or later….you’ll be wishing for comfy couch cuddles too. And you don’t have to take my word for it…Ms. Bradshaw has it all on tape!

What's love got to do with it?!

"She's the queen of soul, and I'm the queen of rock 'n' roll...Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one. That's how queens are!" -- Tina Turner, on Aretha Franklin

sigh...Tina Turner. What a LEGEND! Let's pause for a moment and forget about the actual quote....all we need is Tina...

Even now her songs ignite something fierce inside me! {...I'm your private dancer.....a dancer for money....do what you want me to do....} And that's just what she was....FIERCE! 

When I was in elementary school I had this shag sort of hair cut. With all the volume and layering it created I had some BIG hair! So big that it grabbed the attention of some of the boys on my bus stop. (And no...not that kind of attention) Anyway....these boys insisted on calling me Tina Turner. They would tease me incessantly, making comparisons between my hair and hers, laughing, pointing and making fun. 

The weird thing was.....I had no idea what was happening. I didn't get it. Why? Because I thought Tina was FABULOUS! It was clear to me that these boys were trying to be mean by their facial expressions, actions and the way they were teasing me but for the life of me I didn't get the connection. I mean, how could looking like Tina be an insult?!?! (I would die for those legs now!) 

hahahhahaha! Even today that memory makes me smile....and yes....Tina still does too!

{...whatever the reason you do it for me.....}

Does this blog make me look fat???

"Some young Hollywood starlets remind me of my grandmother's old farmhouse -- all painted up nice on the front side, a big swing on the backside, and nothing whatsoever in the attic." -- Bette Davis

While it's true that some people take 'painting up the outside' a little too far....I also think that those with a too cluttered attic have also missed the point. It's all about balance.

Let's face it....there is something to be said about taking care of yourself and your appearance. I think it is something we should all take pride in. (I mean really....doesn't everyone just look a little bit better in a suit and tie or little black dress?! {and new pair of shoes!!}) But taking care of yourself also means nurturing your inner self as well. Mind. Intellect. Spirit. Emotions.

Most jobs these days require you to hone your skills in your chosen field. Called 'professional development' or 'improvement' their goal is to get you upgrading and relearning important skills so that you stay relevant and up to date with respect to the latest rules, information and/or techniques. This idea makes sense when we think about our work lives but we often fail to consider these 'upgrades' when it comes to our personal lives. 

And it doesn't have to be something extreme...it can be as simple as catching up on that ever expanding reading wish list or taking a course in an area of interest. Or even sharing your thoughts on random issues on an open blog. : )

The point is, life can get crazy sometimes and one thing is for sure...it is always changing! If we want to 'make it' we need to change with it.

So whatever it is for you....embrace it. You'll find it becomes easier to pretty up the outside if you're confident it represents your shining interior!

Karma

"Be friendly to everybody; protect yourself; people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason; and always do things out of love, not fear." -- Rashida Jones

What great words to live by!! I wish it were as easy as it sounds. I find it incredibly difficult to control my emotions most days. 

Maybe it's the Scorpio inside me.

(Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment.)

When I feel emotion I feel it hard. I'm either giddy with laughter, enraged with angry, sobbing with sorrow...there just doesn't seem to be any in-between. And there just doesn't seem to be any way to hide it! To say that I 'wear my heart on my sleeve' is the understatement of the year. I can snap out at people one minute and silently brood the next. But it seems like there is always a storm brewing!

It's always interesting to me to look at my view of the world. I've come to realize that I am a very trusting and even gullible person. I do my job well; am honest; work hard; live up to my commitments. And I naturally assume that others are as well. Unfortunately that's not always the case...and when I come face to face with those situations....I can't understand it! I get so angry.

But like Gloria says..."people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason"...and sometimes you just gotta let that pass you by without trying to understand it. Karma is the key here (and who knows...if you're lucky enough...God may just let you watch! ) ; )

The Sequel

"We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs." -- Gloria Steinem

oh boy! If this is true then I value a well fed and well dressed household! Much of my monies do seem to get spent on...well...appearances. And that doesn't just apply to myself. I like to spend money 'dressing' up my home as well. 

And I don't necessarily think that it's a bad thing. I truly think that taking pride in our appearances is a valuable and honorable thing to do. But there is a fine line between 'dressing' up a house and 'dressing' up a life. It is very easy to get carried away these days with the idea of keeping up with the Jones'. And who can blame us?! We are constantly bombarded with images of success in media that exude designer labels and multiple vehicles and even higher end gourmet foodstuffs. Who wouldn't want to live like this?!

This post seems to piggyback off of my last.....wants vs. needs. How hard is it to separate the two!?

My childhood was pretty typical. I had young parents who struggled to make ends meet. But they made due. They had their lucky breaks and tough calls but I don't remember ever being in need of anything. Honestly, I don't remember really be in want either. I think my parents did a pretty good job of teaching me the difference between the two and because I had that knowledge (and an incredible imagination) I got along just fine! 

Nowadays I have been noticing a slight shift. My parents are better off (due to years of hard work and perseverance) and have been able to indulge in life and 'things' a little more. I too have been successful enough to allow myself a few more of the comforts of life than most. Being a teacher in this country doesn't always allow for that and I am forever grateful. However, it hasn't been without its sacrifices and because of that perhaps my creature comforts have become a little more....wanty rather than needy...

But hey....all's well that ends well! Let's hope my consumerism never out grows the lessons my parents first taught me about loving and living and wants vs. needs.

Wants vs. Needs

"I've learned that getting what you want gives you a pretty high batting average, and leaves you plenty to struggle for." -- Loretta Young

Ain't that the truth! What's that saying....'be careful what you wish for'?! 

As ironic as it sounds, I have never been so unhappy as the times that I have gotten exactly what I wanted. Without having to work to achieve those 'things' getting them is never quite as fulfilling as you thought it would be. Looks like my parents were onto something there!

All it does is allow others to interpret your life as 'perfect' when in actuality you yourself feel pretty 'empty'.  I guess it really teaches you a lesson about coveting your neighbour. You truely never know what someone else's life is really like. I find that this is the lesson that I am learning over and over and over and .....  

For some reason it so so easy to slide into the view that the grass is greener in someone else's world. Yet, inevitably, whenever I start to feel sorry for my situation, that 'greater power' always seems to give me that sneak peek into the reality of that life and suddenly my thought process switches. 

I begin to realize that I've got it pretty good. A warm house. A loving family. A good job. 

Maybe it's better to share my joy then be jealous of something without even knowing its true cost.

To be Gay or not to be Gay....

"Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian." -- Fran Lebowitz

HA! Gone are the times when men didn't worry about dating a lesbian! 

I am always amazed at how prevalent gay culture has become in today's society. When I was younger, I hardly knew knew what a lesbian was! Now you can't turn around without running into someone who has had at least one 'experience'! 

And that's the other thing I wonder about...how do lesbians feel about those one-timers who somehow manage to hook up with their girlfriends in college?? Do they think they're posers? Wannabes? Do real lesbians think these 'fakers' dilute the pool of opportunity or enrich it?? 

And why do people 'fake' it anyway? Has lesbianism become this generation's cigarettes??  

And while we're on the topic...did you hear that Bert and Ernie are finally tying the knot?! It's true, Sesame Street is finally giving in to that powerful rumour that Bert and Ernie aren't just cohabiting.....they're copulating! (*insert cheesy Ernie laugh here*). And to show they're 'support' for gay marriage....the story is....Bert and Ernie are doin' it on air! ...ahem...getting married that is.

And you know....I'm not exactly complaining. I, for one, am glad to see so many embrace their true selves. It just kinda makes me wonder...

...am I gay?!?! 

(just kidding mom!) 

: D

Girl Power

"I've always believed that one woman's success can only help another woman's success"

  -- Gloria Vanderbilt

When I read this quote, my mind automatically jumps to thinking how competitive women are with one another. I find that very interesting. 

In a world that has traditionally (and currently) been so hard on us as a gender, why do we insist on stabbing each other in the back?? Or walking all over one another on the way to the top??? 

And it happens ALL THE TIME!!!

...over men...over jobs...friendships...(trust me...I've seen it all happen on Maury!)

Gloria is right! We need to embrace each others' successes and accomplishments if we want to do well. Both for our own sake and our daughters! 

Besides....it's truly incredible what you learn by letting others take pride in what they've done. Sometimes you see the world more clearly when you are cheering from the sidelines.

Know Thyself...

"[You have to] remember the value of your individuality, that you have something different to offer that no one else can." -- Jennifer Lopez

I don't even know where to start today. "...remember the value of your individuality..." 

Every now and then I hit a place where I'm not sure what that is. I don't mean that I think I don't have value....I just mean that it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life and what everyone else expects of you. The best way to know who you are is to spend time with yourself and that is something that not many of us take time to do very often. 

With our busy lives and jam packed schedules it seems impossible to block away time to just chill and relax. Or to do those things that make us most happy. Or even healthy. 

When I think about my happiest moments, they usually involve me being engaged in activities that do just that...make me happy! They aren't those day to day things that I claim need to be done or tended to. They are those quiet moments spent reading a book, practicing yoga or curling up with my kitty. The quiet peace that comes from those activities frees me from the stresses of everyday life and makes me feel more in touch with me. 

That kind of centering is exactly what I'm in need of now. 

...

Nameste

I shoes you!

"If God had wanted us to wear flat shoes, he wouldn't have invented Manolo Blahnik."

-- Alexandra Shulman

Ahhhh shoes! Where would we be without you!? 

There really is something special about a nice pair of strappy heels! They are so empowering! And sometimes you really just need that little extra bit of confidence those heels give you. 

Plus...you are never too fat to wear your favourite pair! They are the perfect accessory! Screw diamonds....shoes are a girl's best friend! Afterall, diamonds only link you to a man...a killer pair of heels helps you walk all over him! hahahaha

I, myself, am a self-proclaimed shoe fanatic. I have dozens of pairs: flats, pumps, wedges, strappy sandals, boots, and every other pair in-between. I have every color and style and even a couple of pairs of Prada and a Juicy Couture. I even belong to a shoe-of-the-month club (and have a high heel shaped tape dispenser on my desk). Obsessive...maybe. Happy...absolutely! Something about walking out in that new pair makes me grin from ear to ear.

My parents think I'm crazy. My friends are jealous. My fiancee just smiles and nods.

Others may think I'm superficial and wasteful but....everybody has their thing. Some people spend $4.95 a day on a Grande Caramel Macchiato. Me? I buy shoes.

And it just so happens that Manolo's are next on my list!

Practice makes Perfect

"[What if] there were an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough? Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self-respect, you have enough." -- Gail Sheehy

What a world that would be huh?! Where exactly do we get such an insatiable need for perfection anyway?? Who exactly are we trying to be 'good enough' for?? 

Ourselves. That's the real answer. And that's the scary part.

Just admit it. We are much harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be. How many times has a friend come to you with a major catastrophe only to hear you say, "don't worry, it's not that bad!" For some reason we can accept others wholly -- flaws and all -- and realize that's enough. But when it comes to ourselves it's a different story. 

We are too often our own biggest obstacle to happiness. Yet even upon knowing this it's still difficult to overcome. What's the award for being 'perfect' anyway...and why do we all want it so badly?? Sounds like a lot of work to me. And ironically enough, even as the logic pours from my brain....I already know that where perfection is concerned....logic doesn't apply. There's nothing I want more.

I often wonder what the world would be like if everyone faithfully lived by the 'Golden Rule'. Would we see a difference in the world.....or ourselves?? Is that way of life even possible??

Perhaps if we all stood still long enough to count our blessing we would realize that we are all more than enough. It's when we realize this fact that we truly start to live.

Cheerleading is my life

"I thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. Well done. That is what all parents should do." -- Tina Fey

Ahhhh parents....I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do have parents. And it hasn't always been smooth sailing with them (flashback to my teenage years). But I think I turned out pretty good! (Turns out they're not too bad either!)

I mean, I've always seemed to 'have my wits about me'. And I know that had a LOT to do with my parents. Can anyone deny their influence?? (Parents in general I mean....not just my parents!)

Seriously. Is there anyone out there that has a more profound impact on a child? 

I don't have kids.....yet....but I do teach them. And as a teacher I see first hand examples of good and bad parenting. And unfortunately, there's more of the 'bad' side than there should be and it's nothing short of heart-wrenching. It often worries me. Makes me wonder how I'd make out in that realm. It's really easy to critique something you've had zero experience in afterall. But if I'm to be honest here...most days I feel like people should be issued a license to have children! And the other days.....I just feel. Everything. Incredibly deeply.

Every kid needs someone to tell them they're great. A soft place to fall. Someone to hold the pedestal while they climb atop it. Confidence can make or break a soul and its SO easy to give. And honestly it's not just the little kids either. Even us grown-up kids do well with a little love and encouragement from ma and pa now and then. Every kid needs a cheerleader. 

And people wonder why teachers are so tired at the end of the day.

Easy as pie!

"Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: how easy marriage is." -- Mignon McLaughlin

I sense a bit of sarcasm from good 'ole Mignon here (don't worry....I had to look her up too) but isn't it really this simple?! 

okay....I get that a real relationship is more than just good food and some fancy flowers....they take work, I get it (trust me....I get it!)

BUT....

If you wake up each day thinking about what you could do to make your partner's life a little more easier...a little more special....isn't that all it takes to be happy?? As a soon-to-be blushing bride, I'd like to think so.

And who knows, maybe a little filet mignon (no pun intended) and a dozen red roses might just do the trick for you. If nothing else....it's a start.

The point is, most people talk about going 50/50. "I give 50% and so does he." But just imagine the possibilities if you both went the full 100%. Interesting thought huh?

I'm not saying it's easy (I'm not saying I follow it either) but it's a great concept. Ultimately, you have to make your own happy. And believe it or not, the quickest way to making your own happy.......is to make your own happy! 

It's just like Mignon says, "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

:)

Flawed but not broken

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I'm out of control and at times I'm hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Monroe

This is one of the most powerful quotes for me. I once wrote something similar to this in an old livejournal post:

"Despite what you think, I am weak. I feel things fully. I fall hard and fast. I get caught up in the whirlwind I create for myself. It makes me crazy and neurotic. But it makes me passionate and vivacious too. It's where my confidence comes from and where it hides. It makes me smile that big smile I hate in pictures and causes me to sob so violently it's hard to breathe. It makes me run away too easily and refuse to leave all at the same time."

My emotional nature may seem like a fault at first glance but ultimately...it's part of who I am. And as much as it may suck to get caught up in that hysterical whirlwind, you just have to learn to enjoy the ride! 

Cheers to those who know who they are....flaws included....and are proud to embrace them.

:)

Perspective

"Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on a first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either." -- Chelsea Handler

It's a funny thing, perspective. Sometimes we walk around so caught up in the way we see the world we forget that other people and their thoughts exist! 

I took the opportunity to read this quote to my fiancee. A man who has had his fair share of 'experiences' of this sort. It was as if he had a revelation. He paused......did a little "smell the fart"  acting and the replied (a little deflated I'll admit)...

"....oh....I never thought about that."

And I guess that's true. We hardly ever take the time to think about the other person's take on an issue. I know I don't do it enough. Perhaps it's something we should all consider a little more.

Isn't it interesting though?! How two people can share the exact same experience yet have two completely different take-aways from it! Is it a mark of our narcissistic sentiments or just a flaw in conscientiousness? I've recently discovered (through the help of Dr. Phil -- of course) that conscientiousness rates very high on my personality-o-meter. And thinking back to all those high school report card comments -- Samantha is a very conscientious student -- I think most people would probably agree with the good doctor.  Yet, I feel as though I fall into this 'perspective' trap daily.

I think people see things like I do.

And why shouldn't I. My way makes the most sense anyway. 

:)

A New Frontier...

This is an experiment. A resolution perhaps. Yes, I realize it isn't January. But this is sort of related to the holidays.

You see, a few years back my Aunt gave me a 'women's wit' desk calendar for the holidays. It was only a mini sort of thing with a witty quote from a woman (see where they got that title?) written on each day of the week. As I flicked through the various days I began to chuckle at how many of the quotes related directly to experiences I've had. Some of them launched my mind to recall stories, and thoughts, and feelings I had nearly forgotten. Others made me think, question and dream. And still others simply made me laugh. So I have decided to start a journal-esque type project using these 'witty' quotes as a jumping off point.

Each day, I will copy a quote from the calendar and hope that it will inspire the jumblings inside my head and result in eloquence on the page!

Well....okay...maybe eloquence is not the right word but I hope for something honest and real and me (at least!).

And I'll be honest.....life tends to get in the way a lot so I doubt this will consistently be a daily activity. But I'll keep coming back....and who knows...maybe some days you'll get a double dose!

Sigh...this already feels like a place of refuge. This is a good thing.